Monday, October 1, 2007

Off days...

I thought I'd post today because I am feeling a little "off". In the earlier days of my diagnosis, I felt "sick". The medications would often make me sick. When I was on Tegretol I felt sick all of the time. Sometimes taking a big glass of milk with my meds helped to ease my stomach. Otherwise, I just got through each day and tried to eat what I could. My gums bled, my hair fell out, my balance was off. I could barely put my pants on in the morning because my balance was so poor. At work, if I dropped something I felt so dizzy leaning over to pick it up, even when I was in a sitting position at my desk. It was just awful. I felt so unstable, both physically and emotionally.

Being on Tegretol at that time did not help me with my seizures. But I have met lots of people who have been or are on Tegretol and they have had no issues with it and have gotten better control of their seizures. So my comments are not meant to put Tegretol in a bad light. It just did not work for me and I was miserable on it. I'm digressing...

I think everyone out there that has Epilepsy will at some point feel "off". Most of the time now I have good seizure control. But there are things that tend to make me feel off. This week I have had chest congestion. It's not really a cold, just a deep cough. Because of this, I am not sleeping well and maybe get 4 hours of sleep. If my sleep is interrupted, things are worse. My daughter has been coughing like this also and so that has me up at night. I have found over the years that "uninterrupted" sleep is what I need. Even if I'm in bed 8 hours (which is rarely the case!), if it is interrupted and I never hit deep sleep, I am just not at 100% the next day.

I was always very healthy until I started having seizures. I cannot think of a single time when I was really ill. But since the Epilepsy it seems that when I do come down with something that it takes me forever to beat it. Some of this is because there are many medications that you cannot take with the anticonvulsants, and some of it is, at least in my case... I feel as if my immunity has gone down and it just takes my body longer now to fight back.

There have been times when I have taken antibiotics or other drugs to help with an infection, such as an ear infection, that has "clashed" with my medication or with my seizures and caused a chain of events that has eventually led me to having to increase my Epilepsy medication... sometimes, significantly. Over the years my meds have fluctuated because of these events.

Today, I just feel like I'm on the edge of a seizure. Waiting for a breakthrough. I am glad that I have not had anything come through, but I feel "off" and feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have not had a seizure in awhile so I feel frustrated that I am not feeling 100% "normal" for me today.

One of my neurologists has told me that you sometimes get "bits and pieces" of a seizure but not a full seizure. There are moments, even for a few seconds, where I feel "odd" or that something is going to happen, similar to when I have auras. Because they are such short time periods I go back and forth in my mind, wondering if this is a "bit and piece" of something greater that wants to break through or if I am just imagining the feelings.
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